Losing My Voice (and finding it again)

losing my voice

Across the street, the magnolia tree is trying to find its voice. For weeks now, it has been poised to blossom, to shout it’s beauty in full-throated pink splendour. But right now, the pale buds are a weak whisper of what will come.

A touch of laryngitis, perhaps. I can feel the weight of it sitting in my own chest too. My words are not powerful enough, not forceful enough to come out with impact. When I try to speak, all I can manage is a wheeze.

I’ve lost my voice.

Normally, words spill out too easily. This virus is in some ways a reprieve.

Yesterday, I sat chatting with a group of moms in soft green grass and warm spring sunshine (this was before I started sounding like an 80-year old smoker). I had just finished telling one of the women about how much I love to write, and now I was telling the group of them about how much of a struggle it has been to find my writing voice lately. For weeks now, as I’ve sat down to fill this space with life, faith and homeschooling, words have been stilted.

When I decided to turn blogging into a business, I lost track of why I do it in the first place. I set an arbitrary goal that I would post three times a week because I read somewhere that you need to do that in order effectively maximize traffic, grow your blog, etc. And I tried to hone down my niche because I read somewhere that covering a broad range of subject matter is ineffective. But in doing all this, I forgot why I have this space in the first place.

Writing is my passion and my gift. It’s what I love to do. Using my writing to share about faith and homeschooling and maybe encourage someone along the way? Even better!

This is why I do this. And this is what I’m going to focus on.

I’ll continue to share my love of Jesus and family, my favourite homeschool products, book reviews, booklists, and all the other things that I love, and I will do it with excellence. I’ll share my honest thoughts about products I believe in. But I’m not going to worry about the fact that my Instagram isn’t full of flat lays or that I haven’t exactly blogged three times each week.

In praying about it this morning, I’ve realized that the gifts and talents that God gives us will truly bless others when they are used for Him and Him alone. Yes, we need to be teachable. Yes, we need to be faithful.

But we do it for His glory alone.

I can already feel my voice returning.




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